THESE ARE THE WONDERFUL THINGS YOU MIGHT FIND ALONG THE COUNTRY ROADS!!!
Friday, September 29, 2006
What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved.
There's not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character.
People that live at the end of Dirt Roads learn early on that life is a bumpy ride.
That it can jar you right down to your teeth sometimes, but it's worth it, if at the end is home...a loving spouse, happy kids and a dog.
We wouldn't have near the trouble with our educational system if our kids got their exercise walking a Dirt Road with other kids, from whom they learn how to get along.
There was less crime in our streets before they were paved.
Criminals didn't walk two dusty miles to rob or rape, if they knew they'd be welcomed by 5 barking dogs and a double barrel shotgun.
And there were no drive by shootings.
Our values were better when our roads were worse!
People did not worship their cars more than their kids, and motorists were more courteous, they didn't tailgate by riding the bumper or the guy in front would choke you with dust & bust your windshield with rocks.
Dirt Roads taught patience.
Dirt Roads were environmentally friendly, you didn't hop in your car for a quart of milk you walked to the barn for your milk.
For your mail, you walked to the mail box.
What if it rained and the Dirt Road got washed out? That was the best part, then you stayed home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy's shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody.
At the end of Dirt Roads, you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap.
Most paved roads lead to trouble, Dirt Roads more likely lead to a fishing creek or a swimming hole.
At the end of a Dirt Road, the only time we even locked our car was in August, because if we didn't some neighbor would fill it with too much zucchini.
At the end of a Dirt Road, there was always extra springtime income, from when city dudes would get stuck, you'd have to hitch up a team and pull them out.
Usually you got a dollar...always you got a new friend...at the end of a Dirt Road!
~by Paul Harvey~
There's not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character.
People that live at the end of Dirt Roads learn early on that life is a bumpy ride.
That it can jar you right down to your teeth sometimes, but it's worth it, if at the end is home...a loving spouse, happy kids and a dog.
We wouldn't have near the trouble with our educational system if our kids got their exercise walking a Dirt Road with other kids, from whom they learn how to get along.
There was less crime in our streets before they were paved.
Criminals didn't walk two dusty miles to rob or rape, if they knew they'd be welcomed by 5 barking dogs and a double barrel shotgun.
And there were no drive by shootings.
Our values were better when our roads were worse!
People did not worship their cars more than their kids, and motorists were more courteous, they didn't tailgate by riding the bumper or the guy in front would choke you with dust & bust your windshield with rocks.
Dirt Roads taught patience.
Dirt Roads were environmentally friendly, you didn't hop in your car for a quart of milk you walked to the barn for your milk.
For your mail, you walked to the mail box.
What if it rained and the Dirt Road got washed out? That was the best part, then you stayed home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy's shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody.
At the end of Dirt Roads, you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap.
Most paved roads lead to trouble, Dirt Roads more likely lead to a fishing creek or a swimming hole.
At the end of a Dirt Road, the only time we even locked our car was in August, because if we didn't some neighbor would fill it with too much zucchini.
At the end of a Dirt Road, there was always extra springtime income, from when city dudes would get stuck, you'd have to hitch up a team and pull them out.
Usually you got a dollar...always you got a new friend...at the end of a Dirt Road!
~by Paul Harvey~
Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage,
WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
.Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !! ALL IN GOOD FUN,,,, FRAN
WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
.Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !! ALL IN GOOD FUN,,,, FRAN
Monday, September 18, 2006
THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA
The computer swallowed grandma. Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter' And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin And files of every kind; I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves My searches to refine. The reply from him was negative,Not a thing was found 'online.'
So, if inside your 'Inbox,' My Grandma you should see, Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her And send her back to me!
Author Unknown This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless and learned to use the computer.... We're the greatest! YES WE ARE !!!!! Fran
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Are you Polish?
In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" the man asked the clerk in the store.
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian, or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
If I had asked for sushi would you have asked me if I was Japanese, or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish, or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh?. . .Well. . .Would ya?
"The clerk says, "Well, . . .no!"
"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
"Well, . . .I probably wouldn't
!"With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Well. . .I guess because you're at Home Depot?!"
In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" the man asked the clerk in the store.
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian, or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
If I had asked for sushi would you have asked me if I was Japanese, or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish, or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh?. . .Well. . .Would ya?
"The clerk says, "Well, . . .no!"
"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
"Well, . . .I probably wouldn't
!"With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Well. . .I guess because you're at Home Depot?!"
The Bathtub Test
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time,>
and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
DID YOU PASS THE TEST,
OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
I know this is a short funny!!! But, I have not been feeling good, and this made me laugh I hope you will also! Fran
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time,>
and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
DID YOU PASS THE TEST,
OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
I know this is a short funny!!! But, I have not been feeling good, and this made me laugh I hope you will also! Fran
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Subject: September 11th, 2006, an American flag should be displayed
Let’s do it!!!
Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward this email immediately to everyone in your address book asking them to also forward it. We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America . If you forward this email to least 11 people and each of those people do the same...you get the idea.
THE PROGRAM IS THIS:
On Monday, September 11th, 2006, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this fifth anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.
In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.
Action Plan: So, here's what we need you to do...
(1) Forward this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people). Please don't be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.
Let’s do it!!!
Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward this email immediately to everyone in your address book asking them to also forward it. We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America . If you forward this email to least 11 people and each of those people do the same...you get the idea.
THE PROGRAM IS THIS:
On Monday, September 11th, 2006, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this fifth anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.
In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.
Action Plan: So, here's what we need you to do...
(1) Forward this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people). Please don't be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.
Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf
And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf
And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
Monday, August 28, 2006
To all who read this blog........
first I want to say , I DO NOT AGREE with this WAR!!!
I have no children over there, but I Do feel very sorry for Mothers and Fathers ,
who's children are there or any place there is shooting and death in this world,,
I received this EMAIL ...thought what a wonderful thing it would be to take part and send an email to some one over there. Just to let them know we are really thinking and praying for them. Maybe you will feel the same way.. if so please send it , and pass this blog message to your friends so they can do it also.
I am just an OLD LADY who would like to see peace in this world some day,,,,,,
I hope you will do this for the guys and gals stuck in this terrible situation,,
Just Say Thanks! How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one. If you go to the web site at www.letssaythanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and the Xerox Corporation will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services. It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these?
first I want to say , I DO NOT AGREE with this WAR!!!
I have no children over there, but I Do feel very sorry for Mothers and Fathers ,
who's children are there or any place there is shooting and death in this world,,
I received this EMAIL ...thought what a wonderful thing it would be to take part and send an email to some one over there. Just to let them know we are really thinking and praying for them. Maybe you will feel the same way.. if so please send it , and pass this blog message to your friends so they can do it also.
I am just an OLD LADY who would like to see peace in this world some day,,,,,,
I hope you will do this for the guys and gals stuck in this terrible situation,,
Just Say Thanks! How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one. If you go to the web site at www.letssaythanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and the Xerox Corporation will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services. It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these?
Monday, August 21, 2006
Subject: Dusty Underwear
>NOW YOU HAVE TO LAUGH AT THIS ONE, OR YOUR FUNNY BONE IS BROKEN!!!!!!
>
>
> One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What
> the ????????
> " he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook
> them out.
>
> "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in
> my
> underwear?"
>
> She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."
>NOW YOU HAVE TO LAUGH AT THIS ONE, OR YOUR FUNNY BONE IS BROKEN!!!!!!
>
>
> One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What
> the ????????
> " he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook
> them out.
>
> "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in
> my
> underwear?"
>
> She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."
Friday, August 18, 2006
Forgiveness !!!!!
This is the kind of old lady I wanna be!!!
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady."Mrs. Jones?"; "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?""Ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?
"The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:
"I out lived the bitches."
This is the kind of old lady I wanna be!!!
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady."Mrs. Jones?"; "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?""Ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?
"The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:
"I out lived the bitches."
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same.
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
'Washing Clothes Recipe' imagine having a recipe for this ! ! !?
Years ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe:
This is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors and all.
WASHING CLOTHES
Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.
Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert
Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water
Sort things, make 3 piles
1 pile white,
1 pile colored,
1 pile work britches and rags.
To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, hen thin down with boiling water.
Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch.
Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch
Hang old rags on fence.
Spread tea towels on grass.
Pore wrench water in flower bed.
Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
Turn tubs upside down.
Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.
Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings.
Paste this over your washer and dryer. Next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks. First thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet- those two-holers used to get mighty cold!
For you non-southerners - wrench means rinse.
AND YOU THOUGHT YOU HAVE IT ROUGH !!
Years ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe:
This is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors and all.
WASHING CLOTHES
Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.
Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert
Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water
Sort things, make 3 piles
1 pile white,
1 pile colored,
1 pile work britches and rags.
To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, hen thin down with boiling water.
Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch.
Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch
Hang old rags on fence.
Spread tea towels on grass.
Pore wrench water in flower bed.
Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
Turn tubs upside down.
Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.
Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings.
Paste this over your washer and dryer. Next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks. First thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet- those two-holers used to get mighty cold!
For you non-southerners - wrench means rinse.
AND YOU THOUGHT YOU HAVE IT ROUGH !!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Twenty Five Things You Should Have Learned by Middle Age
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it
.20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize amistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the realworld.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried.
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it
.20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize amistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the realworld.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Survival Skills TestScenario:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed
.On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speedas you
.What must you do, to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Answer is below.??????
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.
You are driving in a car at a constant speed
.On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speedas you
.What must you do, to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Answer is below.??????
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.
Seniors Having Babies
Just in case any of you were contemplating having another baby.
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.'
'May we see the new baby?" one asked
."Not yet," said the mother. I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first.
"Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?
""No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?
""No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?
""WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why."Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him."
Just in case any of you were contemplating having another baby.
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.'
'May we see the new baby?" one asked
."Not yet," said the mother. I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first.
"Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?
""No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?
""No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?
""WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why."Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him."
Thursday, July 06, 2006
To "N",,
Sorry to hear of your loss, I know how you must be feeling, lost my father May 1963,
there were things I wished I would have said. But, I am sure (I believe, any way)
he knows what is in my heart. The older I get the more I hope this is true, as my time comes closer.
There are so many people who do not understand this,
and the sad part is they will realize when it is to late. Take care of your self ... Fran
Sorry to hear of your loss, I know how you must be feeling, lost my father May 1963,
there were things I wished I would have said. But, I am sure (I believe, any way)
he knows what is in my heart. The older I get the more I hope this is true, as my time comes closer.
There are so many people who do not understand this,
and the sad part is they will realize when it is to late. Take care of your self ... Fran
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
The Washcloth:
Ladies this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in 'that area' to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."=
Ladies this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in 'that area' to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."=
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