Subject: Don't break the elastic Good for a laugh and maybe some wisdom In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70 birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see whichwill reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words! Maya Angelou said this: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad itseems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." "I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.""I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.""I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision." "I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.""I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn." "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Please send this to five phenomenal women today. If you do, something good will happen: You will boostanother woman's self-esteem. If you don't...the elastic will break and your underpants will fall down around your ankles! Believe me, I didn't take any chances on MY elastic breaking....I sent it to a lot of special women I care for.
What a wonderful lady,,,we all can learn something from her,,,, FRAN

Subject: Purina Diet

I have a Labrador Retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Walmart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
(DUH!) On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
( I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no;
I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
She had to ASK, didn't she ? (laughing)

The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS:
SAFER:
SAFEST:
ULTRA SAFE:
What's for dinner?
Can I help you with dinner?
Where would you like to go for dinner?
Here, have some wine.
Are you wearing that?
Wow, you sure look good in brown!
WOW! Look at you!
Here, have some wine
What are you so worked up about?
Could we be overreacting?
Here's my paycheck.
Here, have some wine.
Should you be eating that?
You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day?
I hope you didn't over-do it today.
I've always loved you in that robe!
Here, have some more wine.
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Psychotic Mood Shift
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5 People Make me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Pass My Sweatpants
10. Prissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh!
...Or men who need a warning.
And remember: Money talks ....
but Chocolate SINGS!!!

HE PERFECT WAL-MART GREETER

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter. "I just couldn't believe that someone would have slept with you twice

Now as "Larry the cable guy" would say,,
"NOW, THATS FUNNY I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY''
Come on you can laugh, out loud,, no one will hear you !!!
Fran (laughing)!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO, TO YOUR SISTERS WHO EVER
AND WHERE EVER THEY ARE !

Subject: Sisters
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter."Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older.
No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.
"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives, too."You'll need other women. Women always do.
"What a funny piece of advice!" the young woman thought. "Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.
As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 70 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...
Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.
Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did.
Short and very sweet:
There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this moment.
TO ALL MY SISTERS,, THOSE I KNOW AND THOSE I DO NOT KNOW,, BLESS YOU ALL!!
SHOW THIS TO ONE OF YOUR SISTERS....... FRAN

I, FRANNY , being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in th e hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Chocolate
Martini
Cold Beer
Chocolate
Chicken fried steak
Cream Gravy
Chocolate
Mexican food
Chocolate
French fries
Chocolate
Pizza
Chocolate
Ice Cream
Cup of Tea
Chocolate
Chocolate
Sex
Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
THATS MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!!!! ARE YOU LAUGHING YET????

THIS IS THE NEW ADDITION TO OUR FAMILY,,,AS YOU MAY KNOW FROM READING MY BLOG WE LOST OUR DOG OF 13 YEARS, SEVERAL YEARS AGO.
SO, NOW WE HAD DECIDED WE MISSED HAVING A DOG. SO AFTER PUTTING UP SOME NOTICES AROUND ,
I GOT A CALL FROM A GAL WHO HAD RESCUED THIS DOG FROM A LADY WHO "HATED" HIM. HE HAS BEEN A HANDFUL, BUT HE IS ONLY 7 MOUNTHS OLD.
A BORDER COLLIE, AND WE HAVE NAMED HIM BUDDY OR BUBA,, WHICH SEEMS TO MATCH HIM AT TIMES!!!! WISH US LUCK, HE SURE DOES KEEP ME BUSY!! (LAUGHING) IT IS LIKE HAVING A YOUNG CHILD IN THE HOUSE.. YOU KNOW PUT EVERY THING AWAY, SO HE DOESN'T CHEW THEM,, HE LOVES SHOES ,.,,
BUT LIKE ALL THE OTHER DOGS WE HAVE HAD OVER THE YEARS, WE WILL GROW TO LOVE HIM VERY MUCH, I AM VERY SURE ABOUT THAT..
JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ...FRAN

GO PHILADELPHIA EAGLES !!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE NEW ORLEANS... BUT PHILLY NEEDS TO BEAT THE SAINTS!!!
GO EAGLES!!!!!!
We deserve to go to the super bowl !!!!!
GO EAGLES .. GO !!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK TO PHILLY !!!!!!

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF -YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?
IF -YOU HAD NO WORRIES?
IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?
IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?
IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?
IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,
WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?
SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?


HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!
YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG HOUSE!

OR MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE,,,, FUNNY???? I THINK SO,,, FRAN

This really says it all !

Life on the Train

PLEASE GO TO THIS SITE.. TURN YOUR SPEAKERS ON AND SPEND A FEW MINUTES READING THE MEASSAGE .....IT TRUELY SAYS IT ALL,,,,,,,,,, FRAN

I never tire of this story... a timely message for today, this season, and this time in history. May we always remember to treat others with sincere kindness, compassion and love. We are blessed as we bless others.

~ Linda


Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, and then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware. "Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated". "Oh, you're such a good boy", she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?" "It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly. "Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a
hospice". I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now" We drove in silence to the address she had given me.It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. "How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse. "Nothing," I said "You have to make a living," she answered. "There are other passengers," I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. "You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you." I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL. You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send this to ten people. But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on. Thank you, my friend... Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY HEALTHY NEW YEAR.
OR HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
I SEND THIS ALL ALL THE PEOPLE WHO STOP BY AND READ THIS BLOG,
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE THINGS YOU HAVE BEEN READING.
I TRY TO MAKE IT AN ENJOYABLE THING, NOT SOMETHING NASTY OR RUDE.
PUTTING THESE THINGS ...TO MAKE YOU SMILE ...IS MY GOAL IN LIFE. WE HAVE ENOUGH SADNESS, HEARTBREAK, AND MISERY, TODAY IN THIS WORLD,,
SO I WILL CONTINUE TO PUT "FUNNIES""HERE FOR YOU ALL TO READ,,,
WITH THIS IN MIND I WISH YOU ALL,,
HAPPY HOLIDAYS HOW EVER YOU CELBRATE THEM,,
FRAN DEC, 24 2006

Christmas Story for people having a bad day...
.When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce Toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was Coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were About to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the Floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys Were scattered.
So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of Apple cider and a shot of rum.When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all theCider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally Dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass Pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found The mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, Yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas,Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would You like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
OH, THATS WHERE IT CAME FROM,,, OFTEN WONDERED!! (laughing) Fran

Subject: Fw: 1906


Show this to your children and grandchildren,nieces & nephews
?? THE YEAR 1906??
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1906. One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1906:
************************************
The average life expectancyin USA was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles
of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !
The average wage in USA was 22 cents per hour.
The averageworker made between $200 and $400 per year .
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.
Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used
borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." ( Shocking? DUH ! )
Eighteen percent of households had at least
one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE ! U.S.A. !
Now I forwarded this from someone else without typing
it myself, and sent it to you and others all over the United States,& Canada
possibly the world, in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.
IT STAGGERS THE MIND, EH .?

Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths -- some 5,000 -- are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine.
The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well.
He's done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out.
Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state.
Please share this with everyone on your address list. You hear too much about the bad things people do.
Everyone should hear about this! Thank God for the special people out there,,,, Fran

Christmas at Arlington Christmas at Arlington and one big, American thank-you is certainly due to Merrill Worcester and the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine. To do something like this year after year is above and beyond the call of duty. Here's a salute to you, Merrill, and I hope you get many more. Ed Fitzgerald I had never heard of this. I have only visited in the summer months. I wonder why the press hasn't enlightened the public about it? Arlington National Cemetery
Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.
Know the line has held, your job is done.
Rest easy, sleep well.
Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.
Peace, peace, and farewell...

A woman named Emily renewing her driver's license at the Transport office was asked by the clerk to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the clerk, "do you have a job, or are you just a .?
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a Mum."
"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation...... 'housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our local police station.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire!
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing programme of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (the whole bloody family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree.?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the girl's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
When I got home, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 10, 7, and 3. Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development programme, testing out a new vocal pattern..
I felt I had triumphed over bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than, "just another Mum."
Motherhood.....What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field ofChild Development and Human Relations", and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"??? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts"Associate Research Assistants".
Please send this to another Mum, Grandmother, Aunt, and other friends you know.

----- Subject: The moral of the sermon
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?
A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
Don't you just love little old ladies ?