54 YEAR OLD WOMEN!!!!!!!!!

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?

Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: "Shit! I didn't recognize you."
So this tells you,,,, don't change yourself to much!!!LAUGHING!!!!!

"RETARDED" GRANDPARENTS

Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school

. One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona .

Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.

He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.

And they eat the same thing every night - early birds.

Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.

The ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.

Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

PRICELESS

Forward to all your "retarded grandparent" friends. Or just your "retarded" friends.
ALSO, THANK GOD..... YOU KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN WELL ENOUGH, FOR THEM TO COME TO SEE YOU . SOME OF US ARE NOT ALOWED TO SEE OUR GRANDCHILDREN!

FUNNY AS THIS IS, IT IS VERY SAD FOR THE GRANDPARWENTS, WHO ARE LEFT OUT,,, BELIEVE ME, BECAUSE I AM ONE OF THAT GROUP!!!! FRAN

Subject: Fwd: Spread the Stupidity









Subject: FW: Spread the Stupidity



Spread the Stupidity
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ..........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..
Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?




I like this one!!!If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)....in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
Spread the Stupidity!

DOn't you LOVE it!!!!!!!!!

Cleaning Poem
I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer 'yes.'
He told me to get off my fanny,And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.That really did the trick....
I was just admiring my good work. I didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and oops -
I found A real absorbing siteThat I got SO way into it -
I was into it all night.Nothing's changed except my mouse..
It's very, very shiny.I guess my house will stay a mess....
While I sit here on my hiney.
Oh my!!! Have we all done this,,, come on be honest!!!!!!!!!! Fran