WANT A LAUGH??????

As he hadn't been there for a while, one evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over.
He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator.

"Moral: Some old men can still think fast.

Definitions that make sense!

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are bornand after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed
.WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

--I finally got it all together, now I can't remember what I did with it!!

Hello, to every one,, I would like to wish all Mothers,,
Grand mothers,
Sisters,
Aunts, and just all ladies every where, a very HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.
Please do not be up set if you do not hear from your kids, I don't .
I do not think I am alone, they talk on TV, how much is spent,,
I find it hard to believe , kids today, care little about this sort of thing.
So, I am sending best wishes out to you, where ever you are,
We did our part now let the world have them, or let them have the world.
What ever ! RIGHT! Don't shed a tear, they will not.
God bless the Mothers who have kids that do remeber them.
Happy Mothers day,,,,,,,,,, Fran

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION . "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC . " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT . "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY . "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother! taught me about STAMINA . "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER . "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY . "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP . "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR . "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS . "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS . "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WIS DOM . "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE . "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

From My Computer To Yours..............

Think of a letter between A and W.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Don't stop .. ..

Think of an Animal that begins with that letter.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name.
Almost there........

Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
Take the hand you counted with and hold it out In front of you at face level
.Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in yourhand.
Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?!
Of course not.......
Now TAKE THAT HAND and smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid e-mail games!

Beautifully Stated
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~>
I think these are good words to live by. Give some one you love a hug to night, Fran