Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day Gladys and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a Nazi turd.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So Marilyn called him a shithead.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care.
We came into town by bus.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.

NOW I THINK THIS IS FUNNY!! NO? YOU DON'T??? OH WELL, CAN NOT PLEASE EVERY ONE,, I STILL THINK IT'S FUNNY!! (laughing,, yet!) FRAN

Don't Break The Elastic!!
In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.
Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts.They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried.
She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!
Maya Angelou said this:"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
""I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.""I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
""I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
"Please send this to five phenomenal people today.If you do, something good will happen: You will boost another persons self-esteem.
If you don't..
.the elastic will break and your underpants will fall down around your ankles! ;-)
Believe me, I didn't take any chances on MY elastic breaking...
.I sent it to a lot of special people I care for.
I just love her "take " on life,, these are REALLY words of a wise person, I think!! Don't you? Fran

AFTER THIS TRAGEDY, IN LANCASTER PA. MY HEART GOES OUT TO THE AMISH PEOPLE WHO LOST THEIR LITTLE GIRLS, AND ALSO, TO THE FAMILY OF THE MAN WHO DID THIS THING..
PLEASE PRAY FOR THEM ALL!!
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERY GOD BELIEVEING PERSON THAT YOU KNOW
.... For anyone who has ever visited Lancaster and the Amish they know...
they are a peaceful, trusting, faith filled people...They trustfully open their hearts and there homes to the curious selling their baked goods and crafts to make a living...
After the insane tragedy yesterday when the unthinkable happened to these innocent people they have asked of us just two things....
To please give them their privacy.... and to please pray for them.... For those of us that care... could you take just a minute of your time and pray the prayer below offered up to the innocent children and their families...
Prayer for Trust in God..
when all is darkness and we feel our weakness and helplessness,give us the sense of Your presence,Your love, and Your strength.Help us to have perfect trustin Your protecting love and strengthening power,so that nothing may frighten or worry us,for, living close to You,we shall see Your hand,Your purpose, Your will through all things.
- St. Ignatius of Loyola
The Amish are teaching us a lesson in their pain as they, some of the parents of the little girls, have already offered forgiveness.... If they can reject evil and trust in God's word, who are we not to.....
God be with them and all victims of evil. PLEASE PASS THIS ON..........

How many of us, think "how wonderful it would be if we all thought the way these people do"? I know we have thought about it, Do, you also think the world has become to uncaring, even with in families. Sad isn't it??
I think things were better in the "OLD DAYS" as some call them. but I am afraid we will never see those times again, OR have we with in the Amish comunity? I wonder??? Fran

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered, "I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME WITH YOU. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY."


The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.

As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her " KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY."


So the old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.
THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS.SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS.NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO? COME ON GUESS!

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON -- DON'T be silly!*****SHE TURNED INTO THE

FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!
She's old ... NOT DEAD !

OLD LADIES ROCK!

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.

THESE ARE THE WONDERFUL THINGS YOU MIGHT FIND ALONG THE COUNTRY ROADS!!!

What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved.

There's not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character.


People that live at the end of Dirt Roads learn early on that life is a bumpy ride.
That it can jar you right down to your teeth sometimes, but it's worth it, if at the end is home...a loving spouse, happy kids and a dog.


We wouldn't have near the trouble with our educational system if our kids got their exercise walking a Dirt Road with other kids, from whom they learn how to get along.
There was less crime in our streets before they were paved.


Criminals didn't walk two dusty miles to rob or rape, if they knew they'd be welcomed by 5 barking dogs and a double barrel shotgun.
And there were no drive by shootings.
Our values were better when our roads were worse!


People did not worship their cars more than their kids, and motorists were more courteous, they didn't tailgate by riding the bumper or the guy in front would choke you with dust & bust your windshield with rocks.
Dirt Roads taught patience.


Dirt Roads were environmentally friendly, you didn't hop in your car for a quart of milk you walked to the barn for your milk.
For your mail, you walked to the mail box.


What if it rained and the Dirt Road got washed out? That was the best part, then you stayed home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy's shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody.
At the end of Dirt Roads, you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap.


Most paved roads lead to trouble, Dirt Roads more likely lead to a fishing creek or a swimming hole.
At the end of a Dirt Road, the only time we even locked our car was in August, because if we didn't some neighbor would fill it with too much zucchini.



At the end of a Dirt Road, there was always extra springtime income, from when city dudes would get stuck, you'd have to hitch up a team and pull them out.
Usually you got a dollar...always you got a new friend...at the end of a Dirt Road!
~by Paul Harvey~

Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage,
WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
.Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !! ALL IN GOOD FUN,,,, FRAN

THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA
The computer swallowed grandma. Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter' And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin And files of every kind; I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves My searches to refine. The reply from him was negative,Not a thing was found 'online.'
So, if inside your 'Inbox,' My Grandma you should see, Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her And send her back to me!
Author Unknown This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless and learned to use the computer.... We're the greatest! YES WE ARE !!!!! Fran

Are you Polish?

In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" the man asked the clerk in the store.
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian, or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

If I had asked for sushi would you have asked me if I was Japanese, or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish, or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh?. . .Well. . .Would ya?
"The clerk says, "Well, . . .no!"
"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
"Well, . . .I probably wouldn't
!"With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Well. . .I guess because you're at Home Depot?!"

The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time,>
and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"

DID YOU PASS THE TEST,
OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

I know this is a short funny!!! But, I have not been feeling good, and this made me laugh I hope you will also! Fran

Subject: September 11th, 2006, an American flag should be displayed
Let’s do it!!!

Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward this email immediately to everyone in your address book asking them to also forward it. We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America . If you forward this email to least 11 people and each of those people do the same...you get the idea.

THE PROGRAM IS THIS:

On Monday, September 11th, 2006, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this fifth anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.

Action Plan: So, here's what we need you to do...

(1) Forward this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people). Please don't be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.
Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf
And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

To all who read this blog........
first I want to say , I DO NOT AGREE with this WAR!!!
I have no children over there, but I Do feel very sorry for Mothers and Fathers ,
who's children are there or any place there is shooting and death in this world,,
I received this EMAIL ...thought what a wonderful thing it would be to take part and send an email to some one over there. Just to let them know we are really thinking and praying for them. Maybe you will feel the same way.. if so please send it , and pass this blog message to your friends so they can do it also.
I am just an OLD LADY who would like to see peace in this world some day,,,,,,

I hope you will do this for the guys and gals stuck in this terrible situation,,




Just Say Thanks! How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one. If you go to the web site at www.letssaythanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and the Xerox Corporation will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services. It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these?

Subject: Dusty Underwear
>NOW YOU HAVE TO LAUGH AT THIS ONE, OR YOUR FUNNY BONE IS BROKEN!!!!!!
>
>
> One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What
> the ????????
> " he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook
> them out.
>
> "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in
> my
> underwear?"
>
> She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

Forgiveness !!!!!

This is the kind of old lady I wanna be!!!
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady."Mrs. Jones?"; "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?""Ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?
"The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:
"I out lived the bitches."

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same.